Most wealthy parents do not talk to their children about the family's money, and the reasons are good: they do not want the children to feel different, or entitled, or unsafe, and they are not sure what to say. The result is a child who learns about the family's wealth from a school friend, a newspaper or the internet, and who concludes that money is a secret and secrets are shameful. Advisers who work with inheriting generations say the same thing: the ones who were told nothing until the trust vested are the ones who spend the first ten years of their adult lives frightened, paralysed or reckless.
Ages and stages
Six to nine. Money is what things cost and where it comes from. Talk about work, prices, the three jars, the difference between need and want, and the fact that some families have more than others and that this is not a ranking of goodness. Do not talk about amounts.
Ten to thirteen. The child notices the house, the holidays and the friends whose parents drive smaller cars. Say it: yes, we have more money than most people; here is why; here is what we do with it; here is what we expect of you. Talk about the family business, the foundation, the giving. Visit the office, the factory, the vineyard. Still no numbers, but honesty about scale: more than most, less than some.
Fourteen to seventeen. The child can read. Assume they have looked the family up. Explain the structures in outline: what a trust is, what a family office does, why the money is held the way it is, who decides. Introduce the family constitution if there is one. Give the child a small portfolio of their own and let them watch it. Talk about tax, about philanthropy, about what the family stands for and about the risk of being liked for the wrong reasons.
Eighteen and after. The numbers, in a meeting with the adviser, in daylight, well after the birthday. The child's own position: what they own, what they will own, what the conditions are and who else is involved. Then a seat at the family meeting, a vote on something small and real, and the beginning of a working relationship with the people who manage the money.
What to say about the number
Families disagree about whether to give an actual figure before eighteen, and there is no rule. What matters is that the child is not lied to and is not left to guess. "We are very fortunate; the family has enough that you will never have to worry about the basics, and enough that you will have to decide what to do with your life rather than be told by necessity" is a sentence a fourteen-year-old can hold. A net worth figure is not, and a fourteen-year-old with a figure tends to share it.
What to say about expectations
This is the part parents forget. A child told about the wealth without being told what the family expects hears only the wealth. The families who do this well pair every conversation about money with one about work, contribution, education and service: you will finish your education; you will work for a stranger before you work for the family; you will give; you will look after the people who look after you. The family constitution is where these expectations are written down for the whole family.
What not to say
"You will never have to work." "This will all be yours." "Don't tell anyone." "We're not rich, just comfortable," when the child has seen the house. And nothing at all, which is the most common and the most damaging.
The tools
A junior fund the child can see, fed monthly, with a statement they open themselves; the Junior Fund Simulator shows a child what compound growth does to a monthly contribution over eighteen years, and it is often the first time the number makes sense. A share or two in a company they know. A family meeting once a year that the teenager attends. A parent who answers questions about money the way they would answer questions about health: plainly, at the child's level, without embarrassment.
