Manners, letters, dress codes
Manners are not about forks. They are about making the other person comfortable, which is the most useful thing a child can learn before twelve.
The short version
Good manners are the one inheritance that cannot be taxed, lost or spent. A child who can shake hands, sit through a dinner, write a proper letter and dress for the occasion is welcome anywhere. This section explains the rules without the snobbery.
In this section
Etiquette · 7 min read
A ten-year-old who can sit through a formal dinner, hold a conversation with the adult on their left and leave the table without being asked is welcome anywhere in Europe. The training takes a decade and happens at home.
Etiquette · 5 min read
Nobody sends them any more, which is exactly why a handwritten note from a child is remembered. The rule is a week, three sentences, in the child's own hand, for every gift, stay and dinner, from the age of six.
Etiquette · 6 min read
The invitation says black tie, the child is nine and the shop assistant has an opinion. Here is what each code means for boys and girls at each age, and the wardrobe that covers a year of invitations.
At the table, from the first day. Two-year-olds sit with the family, four-year-olds hold cutlery properly, six-year-olds wait until everyone is served, ten-year-olds can be taken to any restaurant in Europe.
Yes, and more than ever, because nobody sends them. A card within a week for any gift, stay or dinner, in the child's own hand from the age of six, three sentences minimum. It is the single most noticed habit of a well-brought-up child.
Boys from about eight wear a dark suit, white shirt and a tie or bow tie; from fourteen a dinner jacket. Girls wear a formal dress below the knee. Children under eight are rarely invited to black-tie events, and when they are, a smart dark outfit is enough.
